Three deaths, two memorials

As I write this, the public memorial service for Michael Jackson has just concluded.

He has been called “genius”, “incredible”, “gifted”, “gone too soon” (a line lifted from one of his own songs), and other adjectives that probably won’t come close to describing the person he was and the effect he had on people.

And yet I can’t help but reflect back to another memorial service for more ordinary people that took place about ten days ago, the one for Jeanette and Matthew Prather on June 28th.

They all, to quote from the song Usher sang, were “gone too soon”. Michael was 50, Jeanette was 51, Matthew was 15. Michael died of a sudden heart attack. Jeanette and Matthew died in a horrible car accident.

Today, the public acknowledgement of Michael Jackson focused on his music, his humanitarian work, and his family. Despite all the negative press he endured over the last 15-20 years or so, it is true that much of his music called for “healing the world”, and for mankind to “give” to each other.

I do know that during the funeral, people spoke of Michael’s visiting wounded soldiers in the hospital. Coretta Scott King’s children told of a phone call she received from Michael that caused her face to “smile”.

During Matthew and Jeanette’s funeral, people spoke of how Matthew knew no status. “Service, not status”, summed up his life. Jeanette was known in both personal and professional circles (as a speech therapist) for giving of herself to so many people. During the school year of 1982-1983, I was one of the people she gave herself to. She co-led the campus Bible study I attended and she and I had many, many conversations about issues I dealt with. That was also the year when “Thriller”, “Billie Jean”, and “Wanna be Startin’ Something” blared over loudspeakers across the nation.

Both Michael and Jeanette paid an enormous personal price in their lives for their actions. Michael was continually hounded by the press and his every move was scrutinized, analyzed and criticized. I have no idea if the allegations of child molestations were true or not. Only Michael and his alleged victims know.

Jeanette, sadly, was ostracized by her biological family for her decision to become a Christian. She rarely discussed the details of this part of her life and I did not ask her about them. Her dedication to God is even more admirable in the face of her family’s opposition. I don’t know if I could have the courage that she did. I have no idea if any of her biological family attended her funeral—if they didn’t, it was their loss. They missed the opportunity to hear the tributes to a wonderful, Godly woman and her son. I think the love of her Christian family meant more to her because of the loss of her biological family.

As with most funerals, there was music. WE were reminded that “We Are the World” and that we needed to “Heal the World” at Michael Jackson’s funeral. Mariah Carey paid tribute by singing "I'll Be There", and Jermaine by singing Michael's favorite song, "Smile."

At Jeanette’s and Matthew’s memorial, we were reminded that “It is Well With My Soul”, no matter what our lot. We looked forward to "Someday" and remembered that they both had "the heart of a servant".

Michael’s 11-year-old daughter Paris was the last person to speak before Michael’s casket was wheeled out. In a voice choked with tears, she sobbed out that her daddy was the most wonderful one in the world, and she loved him so much.

Jeanette’s surviving son, Stephen, spoke with love, humor and appreciation of his mother and his brother. While he did not break down in tears, I am sure his sorrow was just as intense as Paris Jackson’s.

Michael’s casket was removed as an instrumental version of “Man In the Mirror” was being played.

Jeanette’s and Matthew’s caskets were rolled out as all of us sang, “We’re Marching to Zion”.

Perhaps, I thought as I watched Michael Jackson’s casket being taken out of the Staples Center, that song of Michael’s will remind us that we all need to take a look at “the man in the mirror” and ask him (or her) to change his (or her) ways.

Perhaps, I wonder as I remember Jeanette and Matthew Prather’s funeral, the example of those two lives will remind us that life is a gift that is given to others without concern for status or power.

A voice silenced, a gift lost . . .

It took 53 seconds from the time the bullet hit until death came to a young Iranian woman.

Those 53 seconds were captured on video and posted to YouTube, and thanks to the miracle of social networking, a modern-day martyr was created.

Her name was Neda. In Farsi, the name "Neda" means "call" or "voice". It is a twist of irony that her voice was silenced during the recent protests over the Iranian election--and yet, at the same time, her silenced voice has become louder than perhaps even she could have imagined.

According to CNN, she did not even vote in the disputed election, yet she was very upset by the results.

She was standing on the side of a street (supposedly with her music teacher) when a bullet hit her. The camera shows people rushing to her side, blurry shots, then the young girl's eyes rolling towards the camera . . . all the while with screams of, "Neda! Neda!" forming the soundtrack. The last shot is of Neda's face, blood streaming from her mouth and eyes. (Those of you who have complained that CNN and FOX have blurred her face--if that were YOUR daughter, would you want THAT to be the image the world had of her?)

Whoever drove that bullet into Neda's body unwittingly lit the fuse to a massive protest. There will be no turning back now for the people who want free elections in Iran.

While an Iranian family grieves the loss of a silenced voice, a family from my church is grieving the loss of their gift . . . their 15-year-old son, Matthew.

The name "Matthew" means "gift of God", and for many people, Matthew Prather was a gift. I am sure he was to his parents, Michael and Jeanette, and to his brother, Stephen.

Matthew grew up in a family that was devoted to serving God. I was fortunate enough to know his mother back when I was in college and she was helping in FSU's campus ministry. We met again when my husband and I moved to Atlanta.

Their family helped mentor people who were striving to free themselves from the grip of addiction. In addition, Stephen and Matthew were planning to go to Africa this summer to do mission work. Stephen (I am not sure about Matthew) went as a young teen helping in medical missions work.

Last week Jeanette Prather received her master's degree and the family went down to see her graduate.

Yesterday they were returning home, driving up I-75, when a tire blew. The van flipped over and Matthew was killed on impact. While Michael and Steven were treated and cleared from the hospital, Jeanette remains hospitalized in critical condition. I don't know if she knows of the death of her son yet.

A Facebook friend of mine wrote on his wall, "One split second altered the entire universe yesterday."

It took 58 seconds for a voice to be silenced. It probably took that amount of time for a gift to be lost too.

May God bless those that they left behind.

"The cool kids"

Some time ago, I heard Matthew singing the theme to "Wonder Pets" while he was watching an episode.

The first thing I thought was, "If he were a so-called 'normal' kid and anyone found out he still liked Wonder Pets (Matthew was about eight or nine at the time), he would never hear the end of it."

And then I thought, "If Rosie O'Donnell had a kid Matthew's age who said they liked Wonder Pets, the ratings of Nick Jr. would immediately go through the roof."

Sometimes I really do think that the whole world is run by "the cool kids". They were the ones we wanted to be like in high school. If they had an outfit, we wanted it. If they wore their hair a certain way, we did the same thing. If they were in a particular club, everyone else wanted to be in it. Everyone looked up to them and wanted to be like them. They set the trends, they set the styles, and woe be unto anyone that didn't conform.

Knitting wasn't cool until Julia Roberts said that she knitted. Now knitting is considered a "cool" thing to do.

Recently Madonna was photographed wearing a fanny pack. The accompanying caption read something along the lines of how fanny packs were considered frumpy but that Madonna was bringing them back.

At the presidential inaguration, Malia and Sasha Obama wore J. Crew coats. Within a week, sales of J. Crew skyrocketed.

Who remembers E.T.? Remember how the sales of Reese's Pieces skyrocketed after they were featured in the movie?

And who remembers how the whole "spring break in Fort Lauderdale" tradition started? It was with a movie, "Where the Boys Are", back in 1962.

I heard on NPR a while back that President Obama could get away with a lot because, "he's hip, he's cool".

Apparently if you have the reputation of being "cool", anything goes. You can do anything and people will want to do it because you did it.

More recently, it seems that "the cool kids" on the Internet are people who are liberal, Democratic, and who attachment-parent their kids and do nothing but breast-feed. They get about 200 responses to their posts and most of them agree with the poster. The people that don't agree? The "cool kids" are able to out-argue and out-scream them.

Back in high school, it seemed that one of the trends was the Adidas T-shirt. Well, I got one because it seemed like most of the popular kids were wearing them. When I wore it to school, I overheard someone say that they would never wear an Adidas shirt again.

Later, someone came up to me and asked me, "Did you go to the Adidas concert?" (Now, how are you supposed to answer that, when you KNOW that no matter what you say, you're going to look like a fool, and the whole reason that question was asked was to MAKE you look like a fool!)

In the church I was part of in college, "the cool kids" were the ones who invited a lot of people to church, got a lot of people to come, studied the Bible with a lot of people, and helped convert people to Christianity. They were the ones held up as examples, and the implication was that we needed to be like them.

I've never been considered one of "the cool kids" in my life, at least not that I'm aware of. I'm shy and I don't do very well in social situations. I don't argue well. I don't know how to figure out the perfect comeback on the fly.

Sometimes I want to know, by what right were the rules invented that made some people "cool" and some people "not dool"? What makes a "cool kid"?

I think also I just plain resent the fact that I never have been a "cool kid". A while back, I gave up discussing politics because I was tired of being slammed for my opinions. I'm a Christian, conservative, and a Republican, and in too many people's eyes, those are the three strikes that put me OUT of the ballgame. Not only do I have the wrong opinion, I'm not even supposed to have an opinion to begin with!

When I've talked about how it's a bad idea to have government-run health care because of funding problems--and I say this as the mother of someone who DOES get Medicaid--I have been told that I don't care about my son because I don't think taxpayer funded health care is a good idea. Trying to explain my position only lead to more fighting. (I am still hurt by this incident and there are days I despair of forgiving the person who said it.)

On the other hand, in the "Christian, conservative and Republican" area, "the cool kids" are the ones who bash Barack Obama at every opportunity and who continue to insist (without ANY concrete evidence) that Obama is NOT a citizen of the US and that he is a secret Muslim. (Note: copies of a supposedly false birth certificate posted on the Internet don't count as "proof" in my book. Anyone can digitize anything and post it and say it's real.)

When I said on a group that Obama isn't a Muslim, I was asked, "Can you prove he's not?" I shot back, "Can you prove he IS??" (The one way to prove that Obama IS a Muslim would be to find out if he's ever recited what is called the "shahadah", which is basically their declaration of faith--similar to a Christian's getting baptized.)

It makes me angry that I don't argue or debate well, because I think I do have some good, reasonable arguments for my positions and I think I have some good, reasonable reasons for why I think the way I do.

But because I'm not one of "the cool kids", the odds that *my* opinions are going to be heard aren't that high. Because I really think that "the cool kids" expect everyone to listen to them and agree with them--but to ask a "cool kid" to give the same respect to someone else is asking the impossible.

This is an angry, whiny post. I admit it. I'm in one of those periods right now where I end up being rather cynical about many things.

Mitchell Russo's video of "The In Crowd" sort up sums up some of what I think at times. (I've seen it on Disney; it has aired during some of my son's favorite programs.)

Spin away the combination for the last time
Say goodbye to this year
I wish I could avoid the empty summer days that await me.
The fakers smile goodbye celebrating their new freedom
I sit alone on the couch
Wondering why

Chorus:
I wonder what its like to have it all
To never be afraid that I would fall
But I dont think Ive ever known a time
That I was part of the in crowd

Here we go another day another disgrace
Fall flat on my face
I wish I had a bunch of money
Catch a plane head out west
Go on and play around
All full of the fans and freedom
I sit alone on the couch
Wondering why

Chorus:
I wonder what its like to have it all
To never be afraid that I would fall
But I dont think Ive ever known a time
That I was part of the in crowd

Chorus [#2]:
Doesnt anyone here live an original life
What did you surrender to be on the inside,
When you disappear they wont remember your name
And you'll fade away and someone takes your place.
Takes your place
In the in crowd

Spin away the combination for the last time
Say goodbye to this year
I wish I could avoid the empty summer days that await me
The fakers smile goodbye celebrating there new freedom
I sit alone on the couch
But I'm ready to fly

[chorus]
I wonder what its like to have it all
To never be afraid that I would fall
But I dont think Ive ever known a time
I wonder what its like to have it all
To never be afraid that I would fall
But I dont think Ive ever known a time
That I was part of the in crowd.

Of the in crowd
In the in crowd

I dont need anything that I cant find in me
Im alive I have been out of line at the end
Waiting for something more something new to begin
Waiting for something more someway to fit in

In the in crowd
In the in crowd

I guess I want to know that if *I* said something or did something, I could at least be respected for it without having to be a "cool kid". But I fear that the odds are against me.

Tired out today . . .

It seems like most of the postings I make on the net are gripes about something.

Today at school I was very tired and thought about going home and taking a nap. But by the time I would have gotten home, it would have been time to go pick up Matthew at summer camp. He's been in camp since the first week of June and he seems to be having a good time.

I did pick up Matthew, and I made a very simple dinner: grilled cheese sandwiches and potato chips!!

Frank's getting Matthew ready for church. We'll be leaving in a few minutes.

I have two books on hold at the library to pick up.

My financial aid form needs to be corrected; I've known this for several days and haven't had the chance to do it.

Our bank account is way, WAY down and Frank doesn't get paid till Monday. I made a transfer out of savings but it won't go through until tomorrow.

I'm very tempted to write a blog entry about "the cool kids" because there are times I really do think that the world is run by them. None of the above triggered that thought; it's just something I've been thinking about for a while. It might be because I've never been a "cool kid" and I really resent it.

Sunday there was a shower for two members of my small group that are getting married soon. I didn't go. I don't even have a gift for them. They told me not to worry about not going.

The same weekend, my best friend's son got married and because of our car situation, I couldn't go to the wedding. They got married about 4 hours away, and we only have the one car and it really isn't in the best shape for long-distance travel. Same song, same station--no gift for the newlyweds!!!

We're still all getting up betwen 5 and 5:30 so Frank can catch the bus. Story behind this: My car died in May; the immediate cause of death was a faulty second cylinder, contributing cause, a faulty engine design. So we are using one car, and Frank has mastered the transportation systems of TWO counties (a feat itself because those systems are barely on speaking terms with each other!)

He had a job interview yesterday (for a different position in the IRS) and if he gets it, it will mean a lot of time on the road during the day. We will HAVE to get a second car then.

Week after next my husband's brother is visiting, and I'm afraid we're going to end up asking for him to babysit. I THOUGHT Frank and I had worked out WHEN he was going to take vacation--that he would take vacation when Matthew didn't have camp but I had school--but apparently we didn't work it the way I thought because the next time he has vacation is in AUGUST. Matthew has two weeks of summer camp in JULY, and the week after next, I'm in school, but Matthew's not in camp and Frank is working.

And our quarter ends in two weeks and I'm STILL not out of 100 WPM!!!!

Tina

Dear Chuck . . .

You left a very kind comment on my blog post, "My church history". Unfortunately, I'm having a very bad brain cramp and I absolutely can't place who you are. I don't know if you were a college student or if you were in the professionals class--if the latter, that might explain why I can't place you at the moment.

I'd love to get in touch with you. If you don't want to leave an e-mail (which is quite understandable), I guess the best way would be through my Facebook page. If you search for Tina Seward from Atlanta, you should be able to find it.

Politics . . . I've had it!

I am dropping out of politics for right now.

I've withdrawn from all of my political groups and am not listening to talk radio.

Why?

I'm not exactly sure when I hit the last straw, but it's been coming for some time.

Number one, I cannot seem to handle the nastiness that is the norm in political debate these days. And while I'm a Republican conservative, there is nastiness on both sides.

I was accused by a liberal (not here) of not caring about my son because I don't believe that people should get Medicaid when they don't need it. (My son gets Medicaid. I'm trying to finish school to get a job so that we won't NEED Medicaid anymore.) If people need help, they should get it . . . but I don't believe that people who don't qualify for Medicaid should get it. When I tried to explain my position, I was told that I needed to understand where the other person was coming from. No one made an attempt to understand where *I* was coming from.

On the other hand, I've defended Barack Obama against two lies that have made the rounds of the Internet--that Obama is not a US citizen and that Obama is a Muslim--and been criticized for that. When I've provided links to Snopes.com, I've been asked, "Why should I believe Snopes?" (If you don't like Snopes, there are plenty other places you can go to in order to check out e-mail rumors.)

I can lay down my points fine . . . but I can't defend them well in conversation or in writing, it seems. I'm afraid to write down anything any more without fear of being attacked by someone. I don't mean legitimate, respectful disagreement (i.e., "I understand what you're saying, but here's why I don't agree . . ."), I mean an attack, such as being told that I don't care about my son.

Number two, it's getting next to impossible for me to sort through the spin and the outright lies out there to figure out what the truth is.

I can't do it anymore.

Until I can figure out a way to participate in political debate without being afraid of being attacked--and learning how to handle it if I am attacked--the best thing for me is to stay out of the fray.

Let someone else fight the battles. They'll just have to do it without me.

Hysteria, hostility, frustration, and feeling trapped

I'm sure I'm guilty of all of the above. But being on the Internet as much as I am, I'm seeing all three of these forces at work.

After a few e-mails and questions, I've come to the point where I don't think it's going to be possible for us to leave the US, even if we wanted to. I e-mailed Autism New Zealand and the response I got back said that permanent residency for a family that has a child with autism isn't likely. Matthew would probably be considered a drain on their public health system.

(Note to those in favor of nationalized health care here: The USA will probably have to implement some sort of similar restrictions in its immigration policy if it does go towards a nationalized health care system!)

That makes me feel trapped. I'm very alarmed about what's going on in this country but I don't feel like there's any way out. There's no place to run away to and nowhere to go.

More and more I feel as if we are being led by someone who is very inexperienced--which is what people TRIED to explain but NO ONE listened. Obama is hell bent on cramming his policies down the throats of the American people, whether they like it or not or whether they want them or not. There is this attitude of, "I know better than you, so just go about your everyday lives while we make decisions in your 'best interest'."

I don't really feel like I have a safe place to vent to, either. Here on my blog is good, but I also post this on my Facebook page, and there are plenty of people who do disagree with me and I don't look forward to their reactions.

What I really feel is that I am expected to listen to liberals and accept what they have to say, but no one is obligated to listen to me or to at least consider what MY point of view is.

I take Medicaid for my son. I'm trying to get to the point where we can have enough money so that we don't have to take Medicaid, and then the money spend on Matthew can go to someone else who needs it.

I also believe that if people can afford to pay for their child's medical care, they don't need to be on Medicaid. (I don't believe that people in this country illegally should be getting Medicaid, either.)

For that, I was told that I didn't care about my son, and that I wanted benefits for him but would deny them to everyone else.

When I tried to explain what my position was, I was told that I needed to understand where my critic was coming from, that "she was just trying to make a point" and that I didn't need to get so insulted. I was also asked why I wouldn't even consider what they were saying--when no attempt was being made for people to consider what *I* was saying. There ARE people who need help. I would give them help. But people have to understand that our resources are limited and that if you give help to one person, you have to deny it to someone else and if you give help to someone that doesn't need it, the person that might get denied may just be the person who DOES need the help.

People do NOT get that we have a 10-trillion dollar debt. What are we going to do when no one will loan the USA any more money?

And what I also don't think people get is that when you allow government money to pay for all the "goodies" you might want (such as nationalized health care), the second Golden Rule goes into effect: "He who has the gold, makes the rules." When the government is in charge of the money, THEY get to decide how that money is spent. IOW, they will be in charge of who gets what health care, and with limited resources, people will NOT be able to get everything they want. My fear is that decisions on health care will be placed in the hands of a government bureaucrat who neither knows nor cares about the health condition the patient is dealing with.

OTOH . . . I am seeing a LOT of hysteria on many of the boards I frequent. I see posts about how "our children are in danger!" because of a supposed video about how Islamic terrorists are going to take over our schools. I see a LOT of disrespect of our President--people who refuse to refer to him by his name--because they didn't vote for him. I have heard of supposed FEMA "concentration camps" but I haven't seen any proof that they exist.

And when I said for the 2,000th time that Obama wasn't a Muslim, I was told: 1. Can you prove he's not? and 2. He's a Muslim ethnicallly because his father was. Will someone please tell me what in the world an "ethnic" Muslim is???

To #1, my answer was: Can you prove he IS?

I understand from a former Muslim that in order to convert, you have to make a profession of faith in front of the head of a mosque (sort of like a Christian making a profession of faith in his/her church). There is NO concrete proof that Barack Obama has EVER done this. NONE. NADA. ZERO. ZILCH.

To #2, it may be true that Obama's dad was Muslim . . . but again, the former Muslim told me that a Muslim has to convert in order to be a Muslim. If I understand this correctly, you can be born in a Muslim family but still have to make your own profession of faith. But granted, my knowledge of Muslim conversions is limited so I could be wrong here.

I was going to post this blog at another website I frequent but I've decided not to. There are things I just can't say at that particular place without getting attacked. (Like defending Obama against the "Obama is a Muslim" slur.)

But I fear that by posting this blog just here at this website, I'm going to get attacked for something also.

So where is there a safe place to vent?